Glory be to God and gluten cuz this girl loves her bread, it’s Friday! Which means I’m linking up again with three of my favorite running bloggers for the Friday Five, Courtney at Eat, Pray, Run DC, Mar at Mar on the Run, and Cynthia at You Signed Up For What?! This week’s prompt is 5 Things About Me. As a fairly narcissistic person, this should totally be easy for me right? Except that’s the very problem – I feel like I’ve told you everything!

But let me take a crack at it.

1. I’m a country girl.

10475472_10100342915925713_76705420819437247_n (1)No, not a Southern girl. Not a redneck girl. Not a Vandy girl or a Bible belt girl. Just a country girl. I hate the city. Sure, I go into the city a lot. That’s where the things to do are – the art galleries, the museums, the trendy bars, the people my age. But I really just wish all the people my age would kind of just get our own little cabins about three acres apart from each other on like a hippie commune and we could all golf cart it over to each other for a book club meeting or a paint and wine session instead of having to pay LivingSocial for it or settling for a book club with some over 40-somethings. I kind of just do city stuff out of obligation of being my age.

I prefer wide open spaces. Meadows. Beaches. Dirt roads. Shady tree-lined roads. Rough and tumble dogs playing fetch in a muddy lake. Porch swings. Warm, genuine smiles, not forced, stiff, polite ones. Soft soil under my feet. Acoustic instruments – banjos and unplugged guitars and mandolins. Antique shops. Used bookshops. Cracked paint on wooden steps. Rocking chairs. Things sold in mason jars instead of plastic containers. Bugs. Snakes. The sound of Johnny Cash’s voice. Music so pretty it makes you cry without even needing words. Getting good and dirty.

The kind of stuff that doesn’t need an electrical outlet, a subway ticket, or a dress code.

2. I am the MASTER at the pop a squat, so much so that I get excited when I have to pee when there’s no toilet to be had.

crazy-eyes-peeing

Once I pulled over on the side of the road and peed next to my car. It didn’t hide me enough. But I was in central Virginia so none of those people will ever see me (or my ass) again.

That is all.

3. I like being single.

tumblr_n7bz8mhu2z1t674g4o2_250tumblr_n7bz8mhu2z1t674g4o3_250I always say to guys I’m dating: I don’t want to be needed. I want to be wanted. As the wise Jaden Smith once said, “People Think A RelationShip Makes You Whole, That It’s Two 50%’s Coming Together To Make 100% When It Should Be Two 100%’s Making 200%•••” [sic]. It makes me cringe, CRINGE, when I see perfectly wonderful people feel the need to have a significant other. The happiest I’ve been in relationships has been when if the other person walked away, I would be very sad, but I knew I would survive. It was when I imagined the person leaving and didn’t know what I would do without them that things would start to fall apart.

I like knowing that even if I never date someone ever again, I have so many interests and passions that sure, while I may long for that person to come home to and share my deepest darkest with, I’m so okay with myself and like spending time with myself and not having to account for how anyone else thinks of me beyond generally being as kind a person as I can be, that I’d be okay never finding that special someone. I think I went through such crippling heartbreak that now I know I can survive whatever love I might lose and crying over it and overanalyzing it forever is just a waste of perfectly good time to explore and have adventures. And I don’t have time for someone’s bullshit right now. Either have your shit together, have some interests beyond sports, politics (this might just be a DC thing), and bars, and be excited about a woman with more to offer than a vagina, or get the fuck out and don’t waste my time. Be able to teach me something and don’t be afraid to be taught.

I’ve never had “getting married” as a goal in life. Not even a latent one. Never. Even when I was in the fifth grade, at slumber parties, when girls would be describing their weddings and what their husbands would look like, it just did not strike a chord with me. I cared more that one day I’d get to have a dog and maybe a horse and I’d live at the beach. I’m not opposed to it; it’s just not something that’s important to me.

I’m too busy saving the world.

4. I’m extremely impulsive.

I am the marketing professional’s wet dream. 50% off sale? Clickety-clickety where’s my credit card?! Idea for a new tattoo? How late’s the tattoo parlor open? Wanna Get Away? I signed up for a Southwest Airline Rewards card less than 60 seconds after my friend told me about it.

tumblr_inline_mkaeyh9wWc1qz4rgpAnd it’s not just money and things. If I have something to say I have a really hard time stifling it. I’m the worst liar in the world. I’m even bad at “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.” (I’M WORKING ON IT, OKAY?!) I find myself blurting out jokes that make so much sense to me and nobody gets the reference because I made six connecting references in my head in about 10 seconds before I got to the one I blurted out. Type up an email just to get the words out with no intention of sending it? Whoa, it came out like poetry, PRESS THE SEND BUTTON.

I ride roller coasters, I jump off things, I jump across things, I jump out of things, I sign up for marathons a year in advance before I know I can make it more than 14 miles.

I laugh with reckless abandon. I giddily shake and jump up and down when something excites me. I scream wildly during horror movies and stand up and cheer during hero movies. I dance and jig in the premium seats at concerts even when everyone else is sitting down and I’m blocking their view, because what is live music for if not enjoying it with your whole body BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT YOUR BODY TO THE MUSIC? I kick things and raise my voice when I’m mad. I cry at the drop of a hat. (Literally, once a guy dropped his tray in McDonald’s and I cried for him. My mother was like ‘ho boy, this one’s gonna have an interesting life.’)

5. The only reason I haven’t gotten my next tattoo yet, besides money, is because I’m still testing the waters of whether it’ll prevent me from being CEO one day.

You laugh. But it’s gonna be a big tattoo, but I REALLY want to be in charge of people.

my-heart-on-my-sleeveSo there you have it. I’m a country tattoo-loving impulsive staunchly single girl who loves a good squat behind the bushes pee. Your Friday Five. A-thank you, and a-thank you.

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