Well, it’s here. The rut. The goals I had for January and for 2015 in general have already taken a backseat. I’m in a rut. I’m motivated to run, but I lack the energy. I think I’m also nervous about re-injuring myself. Rock ‘n’ Roll NOLA Half Marathon is in just over a week and my longest run since November has been a 10K. It’s looking like I’ll try for 8 or 9 this weekend but I haven’t run since last Monday.
That’s right. Not a mile since almost two weeks ago. Um. What?
What happened to the girl who meticulously crossed off every day on her training plan? Injury, I guess. I’ve gained weight. I’m stressed out. I’m supposed to be moving to Texas for a promotion (!!!) in the next few weeks (yes, that’s what that was about) and not only is it stressing me out that I have yet to find out what my official start date is, that I’ll have to drive my car down, that I have no furniture for my new place down there, that I’m always nervous when I start something new, it’s also exhausting me mentally which is exhausting my physically and keeping me from running.
I did go to Body Pump this past Monday and that felt really good. But I took Tuesday off to let my muscles recover and meant to run a short 5K tonight to ease back in after not running at all while I was down in Texas for the job site visit. (Thank you for all your suggestions about asking the hotel where local running trails were… I was actually staying in the middle of nowhere, not in a hotel, so um, it was dark by the time I had any time to run and there were no streetlights or bike lanes or any such suburban nonsense. And actually there were coyotes too. So uh, no running. But thank you anyway. 🙂 )
Anyway, tonight I planned on a short 5K run. I was all amped up to go too. Freezing cold out? That’s ok, I can do 3 miles in the cold when I layer up right.
Except that the day before I left for Texas I tried to go out and do 4 in the freezing cold and made it 1 before I turned for home because the air was hurting my face.
Then I started having ghost pains where my bursitis was. I told myself it was all mental.
Then I thought about how I also don’t even know what airport I’ll be flying out of for NOLA. Originally I’d planned to be in Texas by next weekend so I changed my flight to leave from Dallas but now it’s looking like it will be taking longer so I tried to switch back to leave from Baltimore but that will cost several hundred dollars.
I got overwhelmed and exhausted by the thought of it all and flung myself on my bed and woke up at 1am. So here we are.
It is hard right now, to “make time” to run. I’m trying to see my friends before I leave. I’m trying to organize and pack my life. It is consistently below freezing outside. I am afraid of reinjury. I scroll Instagram and feel overwhelmed by all these people running high mileage or run streaks whereas I used to feel motivated by them. I resent the whole “make time, no excuses” fitspiration crap I see everywhere because fitness IS a luxury and a social currency (it might be easy for you to say, married rich suburban lady who works part time or from home, but it drives me crazy to see lack of health criticized as “lazy” when a person might be a single mother working two or three jobs to make ends meet and doesn’t have time to cook a healthy dinner much less run for an hour – not that I am either of these categories but whatever, I get resentful).
So I lay in bed. I eat junk. I watch Netflix. The most productive I’ve been while waiting for my official start date so I can actually schedule my move and start my budgeting is put my books in boxes and cash in a gift card before I live 2 hours away from the nearest store for that gift card (Fleet Feet doesn’t have much of a presence in rural east Texas).
And I went to that one Body Pump class.
NOLA will go better than Vegas, I know. At least, time-wise, it will be faster. But I could be training harder even while being safe to not re-injure myself. I just need to call Southwest and get my travel itinerary sorted out and I need to find something to get me out of this rut. I don’t like the feeling of gaining weight and I don’t like spending more money on traveling for races than actually matches the amount I’m running and training for said race.
Now soliciting: Tips for shaking out of a rut, making energy to run when you’re stressed out, or getting really re-motivated to ignore the excuses.